Sci Friday: Booksellers Gone Wild (with Photoshop)

You know how it goes. You’re at work, maybe it’s a slow afternoon, and you turn to the bookseller standing next to you and ask, “If you could be the main character of a totally fake book, who would you be and what would be your storyline?” And then the two of you start messing with Photoshop and, you know, this happens:

H E LE N
Title: Raising Caine
Series: A Helios Caine Vampire Huntress Novel
Tagline: This time, her heart is the one at stake.
Author: Druscilla Ashton
Summary: As a direct descendant of the Biblical Cain, Helios is bound by ancient decree to repay a debt to society. Righting wrongs with a silver-edged sword passed down through hundreds of generations, this dark avenger is unmatched in her vampire stalking prowess. But one fateful night after Helios is rescued from the clutches of the elder Emperor Calligula by rogue vamp Angus MacTavish, she has to make an impossible choice. Can she still look upon the centuries-old highlander as a foe? Or will Helios defy destiny by surrendering her heart to a creature whose essence she is fated to destroy?

S H A P P Y
Title: The Cream-Filled Center Of The Universe
Series: A GALACTIC JOURNEY Novelization Based On The Hit Television Series
Author: Gene Boysenberry
Summary: When the most delicious snack cakes in the universe start disappearing, Admiral Seasholtz must race against time to reach the Hostess Quadrant to warn a race of anamorphic baked goods of the coming of Little Debbietron and her army of genetically altered clone treats.

M A R I E
Title: The Hanover Square Incident
Series: The Bronze Knight Series – Book 2
Author: Franca Serafini
Summary: Charlotte Blonde, recovered from her encounter with the Disturbance Mechanism, is all too happy to take a weekend trip to the countryside.  Just as her steam engine automotive is about to roll across the London Bridge, an explosion in Parliament rocks the gritty streets of London.  In another part of town, a strange human-looking creature is dredged from the water of the Thames wearing only a curious geared skeleton key.  As Charlotte abandons all hope of a relaxing weekend, more and more peculiar connections arise between the mysterious key, and a long forgotten secret buried deep in Charlotte’s past…

T O M M Y
Title: The Hero of Valderuun
Series: The Valderuun Cycle Volume III
Tagline: Some men are born heroes, others must become one.
Author: David Rowley
Summary: As a human raised among Elves, Edwin Fasth always felt out of place.  However with the death of Baendrg, the giant kin, and the recovery of the Leaf Sword, he feels more comfortable as the Arch Druid of Valderuun.  Now Ed and his companions must travel to the Shattered Tower, confront the sorcerer tyrant Vidris the Mad, and fulfill the last prophecy of the long dead Tirani seers…or die trying.